| Notes from the Derbyshire Intergroup 2005 Sponsorship Workshop |
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As part of the workshop attendees split into three smaller groups to discuss set topics. The results of these are presented below. Desirable Qualities of a Sponsor Someone who will take you through the 12 steps and traditions Someone who will be firm and tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear Someone who encourages service Someone you feel you can be open with and feel comfortable with Someone who uses their own sponsor Someone who works the 12 step program Someone who seems to be enjoying sobriety Someone who is trustworthy Someone who will be available and is open 1 year sobriety Availability / reliability Enthusiastic / committed Experience as a sponsee (chain) Experience of steps 1-5+ at least Sponsor attends meetings regularly Sponsor keeps primary purpose at top of agenda Happy in sobriety Ability to review progress in a constructive way - knowing when to end the relationship and refer on Sensitivity Experienced Knowing and understanding available resources Trustworthy Compassionate Alcoholic Open Enjoying a good sober life (inside and outside the fellowship) Understanding Approachable Available Positive Attitude Spiritual Able to detach Confidential Flexible Forthright Knowledgeable of the program and using it Good listener Patient Same sex Reliable Undesirable Qualities of a Sponsor Someone who is miserable Someone who dictates Someone who collects sponsees A sponsor who doesn't attend meetings (talking the talk) A gossip People who feel they are perfect and know best People looking for friends Off-loading onto sponsee instead of therapeutic relationship The 'Jim will fix it' syndrome Destructive in 'support' Controlling Opinionated People pleaser Selfish Co-dependent on sponsee Not enough sobriety Arrogant Gossip Not enough time Not working the program Starting a Sponsor Relationship Both sponsor and sponsee need to be prepared to go to any lengths Overcoming fear - don't ask, don't get Overcoming fear of failure, as a sponsor Realisation of need - we can't do it on our own Pray for guidance Sponsee makes initial approach Initial meeting to establish expectations and boundaries Flexibility - relationship should be allowed to grow and develop Sponsor should encourage wider network and emphasise primary purpose Take advice from other members of the fellowship Identification Role model Shop around before asking Able to like each other What sponsor is able to offer and what they expect of you How close they live Set boundaries Review relationship on a regular basis Ending a Sponsor Relationship Do it with love First priority is the individual's sobriety Be open and honest about the reason, but, tactful and diplomatic Have another sponsor in mind Ensure it is ending for the right reasons Pray for guidance Explain it is time to move forward / progress / time to fly the nest Clear and honest, preferably face to face (communication helps both sponsor and sponsee to continue amicably) Geography / death Growth, particular sponsors have particular strengths Ending is not for public debate Honesty No blame Communicate with each other Not personal Make the decision Work the program |
